He's not even seven. He would have turned seven in January. That's not old for a cat. He should be able to live another ten years. I fucking want him to live another ten years. Who gets to decide that my cat should die at this age?! Huh? Who gets to decide that I can't grow old with my cat. It's not fair. He's my cat. I love him so much I can't even breathe. I feed him. I play with him. I take him to the vets and I've done everything within my power to help him. How is that fair?! Some people put their cats to sleep over nothing, or just open the door and let them out to fend for themselves. I wouldnever do that. Ever. I would gladly pay hundreds of thousands of money if it meant my cat getting better. How is it fair that owners who see their cats as "just" a pet take them to the vet, pend $40 on a few shots and then get to take them home?
I want my cat to be fixable. I want the vets to have a damn answer. I want to find out that there's a way to improve his life even if it's ridiculously expensive. I hate knowing I've tried everything because I still have so much fight in me. I still have so many more things I want to try. DAMN whoever's decided my cat gets to be sick and die before turning seven. DAMN whatever's out in the universe that decides these things. DAMN random if that's how it is. DAMN THEM! It's just not fair. My cat shouldn't have to go through this, and neither should I. I don't know how to live without my cat. He's MINE. I LOVE him. I WANT him. Why isn't that enough? Why isn't it enough that I love him and would do anything for him?
God I'm so fucking angry. I don't even know at what. I just am. I get angry when I talk to people who have cats who have lived into their 20s while the owners never took them to the vet or had them insured. It makes me so fucking angry that they did everything wrong and they didn't have to say goodbye to their best friend at the age of six. I did everything right, FUCKING EVERYTHING, why does my cat have to die?! Why does my fucking cat have to die?!
IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR!
None of this is fair. Nothing is fair that it's past 5AM and that at 10AM his heart is going to stop. It's not fair that I have to leave him there. It's not fair that I never again get to wake up with him underneath my covers, or see his stupid self trip because he's so fucking unbalanced. I never again get to see him wobble forward since he only has three legs, and I'll never again be awoken in the middle of the night because he just had to headbutt me.
None of this is fair, and I'm hurting so much. I tried sleeping, but could only manage for an hour or two. Now I've got all these tears in me and I'm crying so hard I can barely see, and yet they won't stop. It feels like they'll never stop. Why my cat? Huh? Why MY cat? Why MY FUCKING CAT WHEN I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH!????! He's always been there for me. If I have a panic attack on the floor he comes over to see if I'm okay. If I'm on the bed crying he comes over to see if I'm alright. Whenever I come home he meets me by the door, and sometimes he gets to excited that I'm back he'll rise up on his back legs and keel over so he lands on his stupid back.
How is this fair?
I love my cat. So much. Why is he being taken away from me?
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